Is Honey Boo Boo Still Funny?

Is Honey Boo Boo Still Funny?
I never had an ethical problem sitting down to watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo so I could gawk at some disgusting obese tragedies of the Civil War spit out inane jokes fed to them by deservedly patronizing on-set producers. The irony is said producers probably think they’re really sophisticated and smart comparatively. Based on ...

Ebola Is Bullshit

This is a poem I wrote called “Ebola is Bullshit.” It turns out poetry is really easy to write and ego driven and mostly read and written by narcissists and aristocrats. Except this one. I spent ten years on this poem and starved myself the whole time for no apparent reason. Ebola is Bullshit.  Ebola ...

My iPhone Creeps Me Out

My iPhone Creeps Me Out
I was recently shipped a new iPhone, the first one I have owned. Right away it started to creep me out. When I turned it on the first thing it asked me was to login to iCloud. I didn’t know what the iCloud was but its Orwellian name made me inherently suspect. Are you telling me ...

Racist People Gravitate Towards Football 4

Racist People Gravitate Towards Football
Last year I wrote an article abuot how its a strange coincidence the NFL is 67 percent black, and its most prestigious position, quarterback, is 79 percent white. Its one of those elephants in the room I find hard to ignore. Particularly when my mind is wandering during a six hour blowout. Statistically this is an ...

Gone Girl Sucks

Gone Girl Sucks
Spoiler Alert: Gone Girl sucks. Its a movie about a crazy woman who thinks she is dirty and salacious because she bangs her husband. Her husband is Ben Affleck, played by Ben Affleck. He displays some serious acting chops as he is able to switch from being half pudgy to WWF roided out of his ...

The Secret Life Of Walter O’Brien 12

The Secret Life Of Walter O'Brien
I spoke to Walter O’Brien again regarding his claims of being a genius, which is what the tinny CBS procedural Scorpion is loosely based on. I had been suspicious of O’Brien’s claims, as he proclaimed himself a bonafide supergenious yet sounded merely pompous and also said a bunch of stupid shit like that Blackwater should assassinate unpopular ...

American Airlines’ Twitter Account Is The Penultimate F.U. To Customers

This has happened to me twice, I’m on a flight, the flight sucks because the government has allowed all these already shit airlines to merge together creating a lack of competition, leading to Velcro magazine pockets on rickety old planes because there is now zero need to invest upkeep in your slumlord airlines, thirty guys ...

Scorpion On CBS Genius? 1

I recently listened to Adam Carolla’s podcast, which I enjoy for its snappy discourse, diversity of opinion and quality guests. Carolla’s guests on this episode were Nick Santora – a successful TV producer – and Walter O’Brien, a self labeled genius, who claims to be “1 in 1.4 billion” because he says his IQ score ranks him ...

Nobody Likes Your Dog 1

Nobody Likes Your Dog
Was at the movie theater yesterday and noticed this self involved survivor had brought his dog into the theater. Not just any dog, but a German Shepherd, a police dog which conjures up unwelcome memories of Birmingham or Cape Town for some. Businesses are forced to allow entitled self identifying victims to tote their dogs ...

How Neo-Progressive Yuppy Anti Vaxers Cause Climate Change

How Neo-Progressive Yuppy Anti Vaxers Cause Climate Change
There is currently an outbreak of whooping cough in the LA area. Whooping cough, or pertussis, has been pretty highly contained since the 1940’s, when people way smarter than your average Prius driving ankle tattooed fuck tard developed a vaccine for it. A vaccine is a thing that mobilizes one’s immune system against a common ...